You know you are a dispatcher when . . . .
1] You've ever had the urge to answer the phone by saying "Your local 411"
2] You applaud the dispatcher who was on the news last year for his comment to the unruly child's mother "Do you want us to come over and shoot him?"
3] You have the bladder capacity of five people.
4] You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
5] Your idea of a good time is taking a good domestic call, an armed robbery or calling a pursuit.
6] You get excited and call every other dispatcher you know when you hear the state police screw up on the radio.
7] You conduct a criminal record check on the parents of your children's friends, whom ever you're currently dating or anyone who is nice to you.
8] You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.
9] You disbelieve 90% of what you hear on the other end of the phone.
10] You have your weekends off planned for a year.
11] You pray for your relief to come in five minutes early because you have to go potty soooo bad.
12] You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
13] You refer to your favorite restaurant by the "nearest cross streets" to which it's located.
14] You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...don't call me, just do it."
15] Your job description includes baby sitting the city (or county).
16] You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.
17] You have ever been unable to dispatch officers on a call because the caller's name or the call itself is so ridiculous that you can't keep from laughing.
18] You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
19] You believe an officer is a hero only when he brings you in a 44oz. cappuccino.
20] People call you all hours of the night to ask you directions to strange places...and you know where they're located.
21] You claim to be a "communications officer" because it just sounds so much more important than a "dispatcher."
22] You get on the air to tell an officer to call your cell phone so that you're not being recorded when you warn him/her about the Tom Adam Robert David (TARD) they're about to encounter.
23] You do not see daylight from November until May.
24] You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday".
25] You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."
26] You find humor in other people's stupidity.
27] You have microwaved the same meal more than three times in order to eat warm food because everyone in the city seems to know when you're trying to eat.
28] The better you are at your job, the more you get complained on.
29] You want the social security number and finger prints of anyone interested in your younger sibling.
30] You have a bumper sticker that says "I love Cops" or "Dispatchers tell cops where to go."
31] Boredom at work causes you to keep a mentally handicapped person on the phone for hours just to listen to their stories.
32] You have ever given back a plate over the radio that returns to"Seymour Wehner" or "Sharon Peters" because the officers think it's funny to hear you say dirty words on the air.
